ANNA’S TOP SIGNS OF POSSIBLE TOXICITY
Well, this is sure going to be fun.
I’ve collected the top, most annoying personality traits I’ve observed over the years and compiled them into one easy-to-read list for you!
- TOO COMPETITIVE: Do they race you home from the grocery store? Is everything about stomping the other guy in the dust through work, sports, or simply getting downstairs first before you do? Major flag.
- NEEDS TO BE RIGHT. ALL. THE. TIME: Grown-ups are more interested in learning and not proselytizing.
- NEVER ASKS, ONLY TELLS: Do they talk endlessly about themselves, only to pause and reflect on themselves before talking more about themselves? Grown-ups ask questions about other people and genuinely care about what the responses are.
- PEACOCKING: Do they need you to see their new car, clothes, brand-named items, credentials, whatever? Constantly? The truly grounded don’t need to call attention to these things, and they don’t require them over common sense choices like retirement or rent.
- ARE THEY REALLY COOL IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE, THEN JERKS IN PRIVATE? Yep. Flag.
- ARE THEY IMPATIENT JERKS WITH OTHERS BUT SEEM REALLY COOL WITH YOU? Yep. For now. Then they’ll 100% be jerks to you, too, eventually.
- DO THEY GO ON ABOUT WANTING CLOSENESS AND INTIMACY BUT CONTINUOUSLY GET FRUSTRATED WITH YOU FOR NOT BEING ENOUGH? A grounded person will simply leave a relationship that doesn’t feed them. A needy one will beat the crap out of it until it dies trying to get new behaviors out of the other person. Check, please.
- LACKS EMPATHY: This can show up in small ways, not just the huge ones like running over someone’s pet and not stopping because they’ll be late for lunch. It can show up in taking your vulnerable moment and applying shame instead of understanding and support. Often, this is simply a skill that the person picked up from a family dynamic that also lacked safe spaces for expression. Regardless, this is not the stuff long-term relationships thrive on. Fix it, or find someone who feels your pain and doesn’t Riverdance on it.
- DISPARAGES YOU IN FRONT OF OTHERS OR MAKES YOU THE BUTT OF THEIR JOKES: The ruling principle of successful relationships is that your counterpart DEFENDS and UPLIFTS you. Period. At all times. I’m not saying a little fun ribbing can’t happen from time to time, but your partner will always know not to take it too far if they are a grown-up. I’ve seen family, spouses, and friends do this to each other galore, and it’s never amusing as the bystander. It makes the person doing the ribbing look like a total jerk.
- MANIPULATIVE: Beware the person that doesn’t take full responsibility for every aspect of their life. Unless they are your child under the age of 18, you are not responsible for their crap choices nor their need to blame things on everyone around them. I’ve known a few that could take home the Oscar for their performances over the years. Ick.
- FREAKING MISERABLE: I’ve so had this friend before. So completely depressed and freaked out about world events that you literally can’t go anywhere without them having a meltdown over something or someone or proselytizing until you’re nauseous. I’ve made the classic empath mistake of thinking that a couple of great qualities that this person had canceled out the other quality of being a total drag. This person ended up being the best 125 lbs I ever lost.
- CAN’T NOT BE BUSY: There is a fine line with this one. Productivity is a fantastic quality in a person. So is knowing the art of when to give it a rest. I always wonder about people that can’t not be busy. Can’t-not. That was a double negative, but then, so is mindlessly overdoing it. Let my terrible English drive the point home that people who can’t be still on the outside may lack a serious capability of being still on the inside…and that’s important. Why? Because frogs randomly jumping from frying pan to frying pan are fundamentally being a little stupid. Absent a great cause, one may wonder what individuals like these may avoid by keeping themselves insanely occupied. Intelligent busy-bees will not drag you in their wake, and they’ll also know when it’s time to kick back and enjoy a cold one while staring into outer space.
- COMES BETWEEN YOU AND THE OTHER PEOPLE TRULY IMPORTANT TO YOU: A non-toxic person won’t eff’ up your closest relationships. They’ll treat their own families with respect, and they’ll treat your family and friends with respect too. Make a note to yourself about this one. These people can drive genuine wedges into your zen that can be difficult to pull out.
People will ALWAYS show you who they are, and often in the more subtle, subdued ways first. If they are childish with others, they will be immature with you. Those are not necessarily small moments to ignore, even if they are subtly mean, selfish, disparaging, short-tempered, emotionally distant, etc. They are legitimate indicators of things YOU SHOULD BE PAYING ATTENTION TO AND ACTING ON. By “acting on,” I mean immediately addressing with some form of response, consequence, or exit plan that helps you explain with an anvil that you are not to be screwed with.
Empaths and feeler-types in particular, who generally have crap skills in setting boundaries, also have an uncanny knack for attracting narcissist-types. But never fear. There is a cure for this, and it’s called BOUNDARIES 101. Check out this video that does a great job explaining how to stop being shaped like a doormat.
Why am I such a sage when it comes to this? Don’t ask…but do be sure to let my past errors in judgment be your lighthouse towards safer shores. Lol.
PLEASE COMMENT BELOW!
Did I miss anyone? I’m going to wager that you know someone on the list above. Feel free to use the comments section below to get them right on out of your system.
There now. Don’t you feel better?
Now, who needs a massage?