ANNA’S GO-TO KIT FOR DITCHING OR LIMITING TOXIC PEOPLE
Who They Are:
You need these like a hole in the head, because you have enough on your own plate-right?
Screw people that think you should lose “10 more lbs”. Seriously. Screw that.
3. Tantrum Throwers
Nope. Haven’t needed this kind of lack of emotional discipline since you were in a high chair. Chronic outrage is a big fat no.
4. Chronically Negative & Victim-types That Don’t Want To Solve Their Own Problems Proactively
It’s okay to feel disillusioned every once in a while. But literally all of the time? And they aren’t interested in doing something about that? Check please.
Didn’t Steven King write a book about these things? Good friends will understand and respect your time. Nix those who don’t immediately.
6. Drama Queens
Ick. No thanks. Let’s do high school only once, please.
7. Those who lack Empathy
Know who else lacked empathy? Hannibal Lector, that’s who. Don’t be friends with Hannibal Lector.
8. Liars & Manipulators
Definitely don’t be friends with current liars and manipulators. Let them learn the valuable lessons that all that lying and manipulation earn a person through instant consequences…like being “unfriended”. That being said, most of us have been real dildos at some point in our lives. Those who have shifted into truly decent people as a result of falling on their own grenades can be keepers.
9. Left on the Darwin Chart
My favorite one on the list. Chronic stupid does not look good on anyone, especially standing next to you. Chronic idiotic decisions = trap door.
10. Childish or Overly-Competitive
It’s a total misconception that the chronological age of the meat-suit one is wearing is a direct reflection of one’s EQ. Eliminate or minimize people who are decades behind where they should be in life.
HOW CAN YOU MINIMIZE OR ELIMINATE TOXIC PEOPLE WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A HEARTLESS SCHMUCK?
It’s not always easy, because let’s face it…you’re probably actually related to
someone on the above-mentioned list. However, the following guidelines can help you do this without feeling like a total turd.
A quick note: This isn’t that difficult when the other person is an overt A-hole. It’s the lovable neighbor who is super-friendly, but who somehow keeps trapping you with nasty gossip. Or, it’s the sister that would do anything for you, but who just dumps buckets of negativity in your lap until you’re just sapped. Or, it’s the romantic partner that simply can’t get enough of you and drains your energy dry. Of course you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Of course you may enjoy other aspects of your relationship and may want to preserve those, in which case you’ll just need to establish better boundaries. However, sometimes you simply just know that the negative impact on your life comes at too high a cost for you to make room for the positive.
Whatever your reasons, here are some quick ground rules:
Don’t Expect Them To Change. That’s not their job. It’s YOUR job to define what you’ll put up with and how. Which leads me to… Establish And Maintain Boundaries: Precisely your job. Want to learn more about how to do that? Click here. Don’t Be Pulled Into a confrontation by having catchy little phrases ready like “I’m going to step back for now because my energy is limited. Thanks for understanding.” Focus On The Solutions, and try to come up with positive ones that are considerate. We can do this and still be kind about it.
Own Your Difficulties And Weaknesses: It’s never a great thing to eliminate everyone in your life, only to discover that YOU were the douchebag all along. Always be on the road of self-discovery, and be as compassionate to yourself as you would be to someone else for their shortcomings. So, before you ditch someone, make sure you’ve given your part in all of this some real thought. Know They May Resist: Yep, they might, and you will need a firm (but kind) plan for this when they do. Especially in the case of romantic break ups, a firm but non- self-esteem-shattering approach is really best for everyone. Insisting on allowing space for both parties to “process” things can be a better route than listing off all of the ways that they were annoying enough to warrant the break-up in the first place. Choose Your Battles Carefully: Remember, it’s a pattern of toxicity that we are looking for here, not an occasional blip. Each of us can, on occasion, cross any on of these lines from time to time, but it’s how we choose to handle it and recover that counts. Keep Working To Surround Yourself With (reasonably) Healthy Relationships: No one is perfect, but people who take responsibility and who proactively seek positive resolutions to things are who you want to start attracting in your life. Accept no substitutes for sanity, and don’t be afraid to go solo until you find it.
DITCH A CLOWN IN 7 EASY STEPS:
1. Identify That They Are Truly A Clown (chronic toxicity vs. one-off, etc.)
2. Establish Your Boundary. Get Comfortable With Your “Why“.
3. Decide if They Are in the “Limited” Category (family members), or Filed Under “Completely Ditched” (Future Exes, or Life Suckers).
4. Define & Establish Your Boundaries FIRST WITH YOURSELF.
5. Now Tell Them Clearly, or Simply Draw The Line.
6. Stand By Your Decision & Now Hold The Line.
7. Three C’s: Make it Clear. Make It Considerate. Make It Consistent.
Helping you get and stay balanced is what I’m all about at The Inspire Studio, and I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences with eliminating the tom-foolery in your own life. This is so, so important, because every body tells a story. You don’t want your stories to continually present a burden on what should be a joyful existence.
Yours in Good Health,
I am not a medical professional, nor a licensed psychologist, and this is not offering medical advice of any kind. However, as a Bodyworker and Wellness Coach I know that until we get clarity in some areas, we can continue to see physical manifestations of dysfunctional thinking and practices. None of this is intended to replace the expertise of a medical professional or licensed therapist, and rather is merely offered to augment your personal practice towards gaining balance in your mind, body, and spirit. If you feel that there are areas in which you could use serious attention, or if you have experienced serious and debilitating trauma, please do not hesitate to seek help through the appropriate channels. I can often give you options for referral.